


Absolution

by insominia



Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Masturbation, Self-Harm, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12441735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insominia/pseuds/insominia
Summary: Post Hoover Dam, F!Courier returns to Zion with a plan to heal Joshua Graham. But his wounds are far more than skin deep.Brief F!Courier/BooneEven briefer referenced nonconOriginally on NFKM





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> In response to a very, very old prompt:
> 
> I'm really a sucker for happy endings. And I felt sorry for Joshua, despite the deeds that caused his fate.
> 
> Anyway, while tossing restlessly in my bed the other night I thought: What if the Courier (Preferred female, but male also ok) finds means to heal him? I mean, there's the Big MT with all it's wonders of science, surely there's bound to be a medical facility where she stumbles across something?
> 
> I'd really like to see Joshua Graham healed... with all the resentment, regret, angst, etc that'll bring. Smut optional (but welcome).
> 
> Anons, give me feels.
> 
> Originally on NFKM at http://newfalloutkink.livejournal.com/1149.html?thread=424829

She was bent over the desk, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps, pushing back against him. He tangled his hand in her hair and pulled sharply; the courier hissed, though the sensation was hardly unpleasant.

" _Oh daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed_."

"Oh..." the courier groaned, the words resonating within her. There was just something about his voice...

He came with little more than a perfunctory grunt but continued thrusting anyway, driving against her, spurring her on to her own release. She was close.

" _How happy shall he be that hath rewardeth thee as thou hast served us_."

She gasped out a name, as she came herself, clenching around him, every nerve ending tingling as the sensations wrung her out. For a while they remained still, surprised at the intensity of her climax, but eventually, he moved away and started cleaning himself up.

The courier rolled onto her back, regretting that they had not made it to the bed; the table was always uncomfortable after the event had passed. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to control her breath, ignoring him as he grabbed some purified water from the fridge. He would pass it to her when he was done, and he didn't seem to mind her, naked from the waist down, on the table, even though he was already fully clothed.

"Who's Joshua?" Boone asked, handing over the water. The courier froze, though her eyes met his in horror. His expression hadn't changed, but then, when did it ever? "You said his name...a lot," he added.

Her eyes dropped, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment, and though she managed to sit up, she couldn't quite meet his eyes. "Don't matter none," Boone continued, "s'not like I'm not imagining Carla every time."

Drawing her legs against her chest, the courier took a sip of the water. "Sorry," she managed to say, though she was so quiet she might not have bothered.

"Like I said, don't matter none," Boone shrugged, already heading for the shower.

The courier sat atop the table for a while longer, swirling the water around the bottle for no more reason than to see it reflect the light. Eventually, she shucked herself down and sighed, wondering just how long she could stay away from Zion.


	2. Chapter 2

Things passed quickly after that. The battle for Hoover Dam loomed on the imminent horizon and Courier Six was a whirlwind of preparations. Boone got a brand new, anti-material rifle from the Gun Runner's Arsenal, which he accepted, without comment, especially not on the subject of how much it must have cost. The Courier and Raul would spend their evenings with ED-E making enough ammo to load the entire Mojave if it came to it. Arcade was under strict orders to hoard the Med-X, Stimpaks and the Psycho, for good measure. And between that, he was to help the courier learn all she could about burns and their treatment.

Not one of them knew what had transpired during the Courier's trip up North with the caravan. Only that she came back with a considerably fuller pack that the one she left with, opted for a modified .45 pistol with some fancy carvings, where before she had insisted on something a little more heavy duty. And the name Joshua was never far from her lips. But only Boone knew that and felt no inclination to share it with the others.

Whatever it was she had found at New Canaan had lit a fire under her, only somewhat metaphorically given how preoccupied she had become with burns.  
Boone had mentioned offhand that the doctor at his first posting had been a wonder with powder burns, and so the two had trekked to Golf and back, in a day, just to see if he was still there. He wasn't. Six had spent the journey back scowling, Boone gave her a wide berth, ostensibly so he could snipe, but more to avoid the sand and grit she kept kicking up every time she stamped into the uneven ground.   
The result had seen Cass get a thorough grilling on contacts who might have access to texts or pamphlets on the treatment of burns, and when she came through, the courier had sat for hours and hours, pouring over the acquired volumes with a pot of black coffee beside her.

"You'd think the Mojave would have a burns specialist, somewhere," the courier snapped, after a rather fruitless exchange, over the radio, with the doctor in the Brotherhood bunker.

"What about Usanagi?" Veronica asked, lightly.

From the corner Arcade made an amused snort, "you mean Usanagi's auto doc? She's been using that thing for so long I wonder if she can even practice medicine without it."

For a while the courier stared at Arcade, a grin splitting across her features as she did so, "Auto doc," she said, coming to a realisation, "auto doc. _Auto doc_! Arcade Gannon, you're a genius!"

"Well I don't like to brag," he shrugged, but the courier was already heading towards him and cut him off, throwing her arms around his shoulders, kissing him fully on the mouth. "Oh look at that," he muttered, dryly, "I'm cured," but the courier was already gone. They heard her in her bedroom, rummaging through the footlocker at the bottom of her bed. Veronica glimpsed the unusual device she had come back from the Big M.T with, as Six disappeared into the elevator calling out, "I'll be back...later!"   
She was gone for the remainder of the day, stepping back into the kitchen and interrupted Arcade who was mid-sentence with Cass and asked, "what do you know of skin grafts?"

It set the pattern for the coming weeks. The Courier would continue with the preparations for the approaching battle, her hurried tasks interspersed by frequent trips back to the Big M.T. She didn't speak of it, but her blank books filled with scribbles about balms, lotions and recipes to ease burn injuries.

When the time came she all but ran to Hoover Dam. They all knew she was anxious to return to Zion, though they couldn't guess at the reason why. Boone had an inkling, though he would never have imagined the mythical 'Joshua' was the even more mythical Burned Man, despite her preoccupation with burns. The Courier was surprised Arcade hadn't figured it out, but then the Burned Man was a myth to them, and Boone had kept the name Joshua to himself, as he did most things.

When battle was finally met, the Courier and her ragtag group of misfits fought alongside the NCR, driving the Legion back. It came down to herself and Lanius. Nobody heard what she said to him, but it was enough to convince him to withdraw.

The celebrations lasted a week.

After that, everyone took their leave, drifting to resume lives the Courier had plucked them from. Cass to the West, Raul to who-knows-where, Arcade was staying in Freeside and Veronica returned to her family. Even the robot, the dog and the mutant moved on.

"You going to Zion?" Boone asked as she walked him across Freeside, heading for McCarren. Six nodded, she wore only the kevlar armour she had returned from the North with, carried only her absolute favourite guns and packed food, water and medical supplies; mostly burn ointments. After dropping Boone off she had no intention of returning to the '38.

"Joshua?" he asked when she nodded her response. She flushed, an embarrassed grin creeping over her face, despite herself. Boone chuckled, something he was more prone to doing since they had returned from the Dam. "Must be hell of a guy."

"He is," Six paused, "you'd hate him though."

"Not me sleeping with him."

"We're not- I mean...we haven't..." the Courier broke off and Boone glanced over in surprise.

"Must be hell of a guy," he said again. She caught his eye, the ghosts of her numerous partners flickering between them and with faux affront she punched his arm.

They walked in good natured silence the rest of the way. At the gates of McCarren Courier Six turned to bid farewell to the the first friend she had made in the desert; her most faithful, if not most conversational companion. He looked so smart in his new, freshly pressed NCR uniform she could not resist fussing for a moment, brushing away the dust it had already gathered. Her hands rested on his shoulders. She wasn't going to cry.

"I'll see you again," she said, suddenly.

He smiled, covering one of her hands with his own, "sure."

"So you have to stay alive."

"You too." He was smiling at her, something she realised he had never really done before. "I gotta go. You go find your fancy man, I'll try not to hate him when you introduce me."

He gave her an affectionate kiss on the forehead, Six's arms came around him and held him there until he disentangled himself. Another brief smile and he turned. Six watched him go, before turning herself, her thoughts already on reaching Zion and Joshua Graham.


	3. Chapter 3

The journey there took far less time than her first. The caravans had opened up new roads and the frequent activity kept away most of the creatures that might have preyed on her. The courier shared a campfire more often than not, the traders happy to split their meals with she who had held back the Legion. On the few times, she was alone, her thoughts inevitably wandered back to the night she had left Zion. Graham had furnished her with the maps she had needed and pressed his own gun into her hand. Had he known how she felt? Did he feel the same? She had no idea how he would receive her when she arrived.

"I'll come back," she had blurted, suddenly.

He had regarded her with those piercing eyes, seeming to dance with amusement, "you shall always be welcome." Then he had handed her his own scripture and said, "God be with you."

Was that an invitation? A request not to? She was about to find out either way.

It took her almost three weeks to reach the Dead Horses main camp, a good day beyond the temporary base they had established in the valley, where she had first met them. By the time it came into view she had all but convinced herself that Graham wouldn't be interested in seeing her, let alone anything else. A notion that was utterly quashed when she saw him, albeit at a distance. She saw him turn and pause at the approaching figure, saw the relief in his posture when he realised who she was and as she got closer; the way his eyes lit up at the sight of her.

Any idea of a graceful, muted entrance was lost as she all but sprinted at him, crashing into him with a painful thud, locking her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder. Her smile was so wide it was in danger of cracking her face.

Graham's chuckle rumbled against her as his arms came around her waist, "behold! I am with you and will keep you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land." His bright eyes stared into her dark ones, "welcome home."


	4. Chapter 4

The Dead Horses had gathered to her, welcoming their strange new arrival who wore the clothes of their chief, carried his gun and had touched him, something they had never seen before. Some of them knew her, of course. The Courier's face lit with pleasure when she recognised a scout, a warrior, and she shared with them a grim smile, remembering all that they had seen together. Graham had stepped back and let them crowd her, allowing her easy grace endear her to him that little bit more. It would make it easier if she was intending to stay. Which, he realised suddenly, he was hoping for more than he had imagined.

He waited, what felt like, a polite amount of time before he cleared his throat, and gestured that she should follow him. She followed him, silently, and neither saw the knowing glances or the smiles that passed between the tribe.

Graham did not live in a cave as he had done at the Eastern Virgin. Like the others in the camp, he occupied a tent; a sizeable yet secluded one that reminded the Courier of the Legion. She wondered if he saw it. At any rate, once inside she could not help but admire the soft furnishings, the way the light from the fire caught the fabric walls and set them aglow. Without envy, she recalled the comparatively ramshackle room in Novac, the artificial luxury of the '38, and wondered how she could ever have called them home.

The Courier sat beside the fire, even though the night was not cold. Graham took her pack from her, setting aside her guns to be cleaned later. As she watched him drop two ears of maize into a boiling pot she marvelled that they had not said a word to each other, and yet had settled quickly into an easy domesticity. The thought made her smile.

"There is a small lake behind us if you wish to bathe," Graham said, his eyes on the boiling maize, "no one will see you," he added, "it is quite secluded."  
Six was still basking in the warmth of the fire, but bathing sounded nice. Her clothes were filthy and she imagined underneath it all she probably was too. As she reached the flap to leave she paused and gave a little chuckle, "I don't have anything to wear." She gave him a sheepish grin, "I only have the armour I'm wearing."

  
 _Your armour_.

She had planned to reach Zion and packed accordingly. She realised she hadn't given a single thought to what she would do for necessities once she had arrived. Graham, however, seemed amused. He assured her he could find something, then faced the surprisingly annoying decision of whether to give her some of his own clothes or some garments worn by the Dead Horses. In the end, he asked one of the women for some spare clothes, regretting it somewhat when the Courier emerged; her skin flushed from the warm spring, wearing the garb he had procured which covered next to nothing. He had been surrounded by women wearing such things since he had returned to the tribal North, yet he had not noticed a single one of them.

He noticed Six.

She seemed completely comfortable, not just in the clothes, or rather lack of them, but totally at ease in her new surroundings. They seemed to exude serenity, mostly because the warm spring had been heavenly. Deep enough for her to stand to her neck in the soothing waters, washing away not just the grit and dirt of her journey but all the aches and pains she hadn't appreciated she had. She returned from the pool oblivious to the way in which Graham was staring at her. He'd never seen her in anything less than full body armour yet she looked exactly the way he had imagined.

Which he had.

A few times.

But as he looked admiration turned to concern; her skin was a patchwork of scars, but worse were the obviously recent injuries - smattered bruises not yet faded, angry welts, he even spied a bullet hole or two. The Courier caught his eye and smiled grimly, "I told you I'd send them back with nothing."

"And I told you-you were doing the Lord's work, whether you knew it or not." Almost reflexively Joshua reached over to her and brushed a bandaged finger over a particularly angry looking bruise. "The Lord's work is sometimes painful work." He did not withdraw his hand and the two stared at each other for a long moment before the Courier flushed and looked away. "Dinner is almost ready," he said, softly, lowering his hand, "I must remove my bandages to eat, I will not take it amiss if you choose to eat elsewhere. I would not want to put you off your food."

The Courier met his eyes without flinching, "I'm not going anywhere."

He held her gaze, but it did not falter, "as you wish." He turned from her and began the laborious task of unwrapping his arms and face. Behind him he could hear the Courier busying herself at the cooking pot, adding pinyon nuts, prickly pear fruit, anything she could find. If she was going to eat fresh food for the first time in what felt like an age, she was going to go all out. She did not waver when he approached her, his face free of bandages for the first time since she met. In fact, she was somewhat relieved; he didn't look half as bad as he clearly thought he did. He was still recognisable as a man, a handsome man even. The burns cracked his skin in frequent red marks that looked painful just to look at. To his surprise and beamed at him, and said quietly, "Hello Joshua."


	5. Chapter 5

They talked for an age, long after the food had been finished and their plates discarded. The Courier told of the Dam, the bloodiness of it all and that final moment - the meeting with Lanius. Joshua's hand twitched towards her, as though to protect her from a man she had already survived. But she had looked at him with undisguised gratitude and told him that she had used his words against the Legate, reminded him of the failings of those who had gone before, just as Joshua had suggested. It had probably saved her life, not to mention won the battle.

For his part, Joshua spoke of the tribes and all that had happened in Zion since she had left. An unmistakable air of sadness came over him when he spoke of Daniel and how he had returned to his home, unable to reconcile their victory with the violence they had inflicted.

They had fallen silent then, staring into the flickering embers of the fire, both remembering that day when they had driven the White Legs out - when she had all but thrown herself at him to stay his hand and begged him not to shoot their chief.

"What will you do now?" he asked, eventually. She thought for a moment, about her plans to take him to the Big M.T, but that was a conversation that could stand to wait.

She glanced up at him, suddenly unsure of herself, "I thought I might...I mean..." but she broke off, realising that he was smiling at her. He was teasing her she realised, the realisation made her chuckle.

"You are very welcome to stay."

She let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding, "I'd like that."

Joshua rose to clear away the remains of their dinner, "I can arrange for you to have a tent of your own, or..." he trailed off, hesitantly, "you may stay here if you wish."

She realised she had never seen him hesitant before, never unsure, she wondered if that was something that had come after the battle with the White Legs when he had seen what a life without hesitation would have cost him, or maybe it was just because they were dancing around each other like lovestruck teenagers. It was laughable, and yet she could not help beaming so wide, he wondered if he had ever seen someone smile so much. "I'd like that."


	6. Chapter 6

"I've got something for you," the Courier said after they had cleared everything away and settled in to clean her guns, as was his custom each night. She had retrieved a jar of white cream from her pack, one of many she had brought with her and handed it to him. "I've done a lot of research on burns and I think this might be able to help you. It won't heal anything," she added, quickly, "but it should soothe them."

Joshua took the jar from her and unscrewed it, immediately assailed by the unmistakable scent of broc flowers. "Oh, yeah, it smelled awful so I ground down some flowers, hope you're not allergic." She gave a weak chuckle, but he had yet to react.

He was turning the jar over in his hand, watching the cream maintain its shape despite the movement. And the smell... no one had ever done something so thoughtful for him, to have put so much thought into it..."thank you," he said, but it sounded inadequate. "It must have taken a great deal of time to do this."

Six shrugged her shoulders, "if it works, it'll be worth it."

He ran a solitary finger over the surface of the cream and gasped, almost dropping the jar in shock. It was cool. More than that, it was cold. It was cold to the touch. Joshua couldn't remember touching something cold, or touching anything that didn't irritate his burns and set him alight all over again. He scooped a small amount on his finger and rubbed it with his thumb, watching the cream fade and almost dissolve, but the sensation remained. It didn't hurt. The sensation was one of cool numbness, something he had never thought to feel again, and so he simply stared at his fingers, dumbstruck that she had thought to do such a thing and that it had worked. He was aware of the Courier's gaze, waiting for him to say something, anything. But what could he say to make her aware of the enormity of the situation? To tell her that he was not in pain for the first time in far longer than he cared to remember. He continued to stare at the tip of his fingers, no longer burning, and struggling to keep his voice from shaking he said, "that is...extremely gratifying."

Her smile burned brighter than the fire and for a moment he did not need the cream to forget his pain.


	7. Chapter 7

It was surprising to find that the Courier, who had all but slept her way across the Mojave as Arcade had once... _delicately_...put it, should now find herself shy and unsure of herself. Joshua had invited her to stay in his tent, and as there was only one bed it was clear they would share it. Yet as the night drew on and neither of them made any move toward it, Six found herself becoming more and more nervous, ridiculous when she had all but sauntered up to Benny in front of his own guards and practically dragged him to his suite. She had wrestled Death Claws for a night with Red Lucy, but now in the company of a man who clearly wanted her company, she was reduced to an awkward mess.

Eventually of course exhaustion overtook her. She had dozed off in front of the fire, waking suddenly when she caught herself drifting. Joshua had noticed it and gently suggested that it was time she went to bed. Not that Joshua slept on a bed, not as she knew it anyway. Various furs and hides were stacked underneath what looked like a yaoi gai fur, with pillows stuffed with all kinds of feathers. Any thought of missing the king size bed in the '38 was lost as she slipped under the fur, into a cocoon of softness. Her eyes fluttered shut and she marvelled that she had never been so comfortable.   
"This is bliss," she murmured, as Joshua slid in beside her. He had removed his armour, but not his bandages, save for those he had already taken off around his face and hands, and as he pulled the fur over them they came to realise that this bed was probably not meant for two.

Suddenly the Courier found she wasn't tired anymore, in fact every nerve seemed to be more awake than ever before, acutely aware of Joshua beside her. Joshua lay, staring up at the ceiling, barely visible in the darkness with only the remains of the dying fire to light the tent. He was achingly aware of every movement the woman beside him was making, even if all that stretched to was breathing right now. For her part Six was trying very hard not to move, fully aware that she had gone from feeling tired and comfortable to less likely to fall asleep than even before the battle at the Dam.

"It is the New Canaanite custom not to share a bed with someone before they are married," Joshua said, eventually.

"Is that a proposal?" Six asked, her voice measured, even and betraying nothing.

Joshua chuckled, beside him, she could feel the vibration rumble through his bandages. "Most assuredly not. I was just thinking how it is likely less in place to protect the sanctity of marriage and more to avoid awkward moments such as this."

"Pretty awkward, huh?"

They both laughed, but it quickly died away replaced with another awkward silence. Joshua rolled onto his side to face her and sighed, "there are many things that I can not-" the Courier silenced him by facing him.

"Ssh," she whispered, and throwing caution to the wind, she leaned up and pressed her lips to his. Her touch was feather light, yet even that slight pressure was uncomfortable for him, but not painful. He returned the kiss, it was after all, bearable. He brought his hand up to her face, stroking her cheek, the side of her neck, the space behind her ear - none of it hurt nearly as much as he had anticipated. In fact, her cream seemed to be working wonders, though the sensation was dulled for him, he supposed that was preferable to not being able to touch her at all.

The Courier stretched under his touch like a cat, her eyes fluttered shut and a small smile playing on her lips. It was strange, it had been so long since he'd had a woman, longer still since he'd had a willing one, he'd forgotten he was able to give pleasure like this. Emboldened by the discovery he pressed against her as much as the bandages would allow and deepened their kiss, his hands wandering to her chest.

"You are lovely," he murmured against her, as one hand found a breast. She arched her back with a soft groan, pressing herself against him, but the pressure finally became too much and he eased off, pulling back from her, but his hand remained. He opened his mouth to apologise but she cut him off, pre-empting his words.

"I wasn't expecting any of this," she said, her voice breathier than he had heard before.

"Then I'll continue." Joshua dropped back against the cushions, but let his numbed fingers dance across her skin, he had no idea how hard he was pressing but from the way she writhed underneath his ministrations he had clearly struck the right balance.

"I wish I could touch you," the Courier gasped out, her hands clutching at the fur so she didn't accidentally grab at him. Joshua made no reply, there was nothing he could say. He wished she could touch him too.

Instead, he rolled his hands over her breasts and marvelled at her reaction. Her lips parted in a soft groan and slowly her hand reached down, slipping under her flimsy garments that might as well not have been there. For a moment he paused, surprised that his no doubt clumsy attempts could have this kind of effect on someone, but the Courier didn't seem to have an issue with them.

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine," he whispered into her ear, gratified when she moaned loudly, burying her face in his shoulder as though embarrassed by the sounds she was making. Joshua smiled, "because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth."

"Don't stop," she gasped, as he trailed off.

He paused for a moment, struggling to remember the verses, it was a marvel he had recalled any at all, her hand working beneath her skirt was very distracting. "I am the Rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys-"

"Let's not bring Cass into bed with us, hm?"

Joshua frowned, "I'm not sure who-"

"Never mind. Keep talking."

"Behold thou art fair, my love, behold thou art fair, thou hast dove's eyes."

Her free arm held onto his shoulder, anchoring them together as she rocked against her palm, her breath escaping in short, sharp gasps. Her grip was painful, but he felt he could bear it for the moment, and surely it would only be for a moment.

"Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as-" he broke off as her body went rigid beside him. Her grip now too painful to ignore, but too captivating to remove. He drank in the sight of her, her lips parted, her eyes closed tight as her body shook in waves and despite the discomfort, he knew it would cause, he leaned in and captured her lips, riding her climax with her.

Afterwards, she lay beside him, the fur pushed back, her chest heaving. "That was-" she gasped," that...was..." Gently he removed her hand from his shoulder, his teeth gritted against the pain of it. "Oh God, I'm so sorry," she flushed. Joshua gave a smile that came out more as a grimace as he tried to ignore the burning left by her fingerprints. He held her hand and massaged it in his own.

"It was worth it," he said, but anything more was lost as she drifted into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

It had taken Joshua days to reflect on the notion of treatment. Actual, viable treatment. He had taken the Courier for a walk, showing her the vast lands around them when she had stopped them and told them that the ointments she had brought were just the beginning. She had presented him with the chance of being healed, being as he once was, and then said nothing of it when he had simply said, "I will think on it."

In truth, he had never contemplated being whole again. He was as much the burned man by now as he was Joshua Graham. Besides...he deserved this. This permanent reminder, the constant punishment of all the horrors he had inflicted on others. And yet. as he redressed the wounds one evening, assisted by the Courier and her ointments, when he caught her eye and she smiled at him, he began to think that perhaps he had suffered enough.

It took a few days, days in which she did not pester him, nor did she leave him. Six did not bring it up again, save for one moment where she told him that whatever he chose, she had determined to stay, though their nights together were still awkward and fumbling. Eventually though, after much thought and prayer, while she was helping to fashion some tools for the tribe, he approached her and said little more than, "alright."

The Courier smiled and nodded, but to his surprise, returned to her work. Joshua had expected her to jump up and all but drag him to this mysterious location she had spoken of, he had not known her to not get stuck into something from the off. Instead, she took time to plan their journey, trying to describe the facility to which she was taking him. He wasn't sure he understood - a place built for science, a place of vast technology, a world away from Zion, a place not to be reached by conventional means. And then there were her preparations. Did she have enough coffee mugs? Had she remembered the toasters? Where was that book she hadn't enjoyed? Joshua did not pretend to understand her. By comparison his own plans were relatively simple to implement. The tribe knew he was going away, he would be back as soon as he could, there was little else to consider, giving him plenty of time to dwell on her unusual activities and the way she stressed how unusual her "friends" were. That of all things had given him pause. That she be concerned that he, who had been the Malpais Legate, might think her friends strange. He could not help but smile, and had said affectionately, "you truly are unique."

Some time after he had first told her he was willing, the Courier announced she was ready. While she had already warned him they could not reach the facility by hiking, but that had not prepared him for the small, glowing gun she pulled out of her pack when he asked how it was they would actually get there.

"A gun?" Joshua asked, bemused.

"It's not your average gun," she said, checking every inch of it, "I've had to do some work to boost the signal," she muttered, "and they said...well they said the new transporter should manage the distance but... we'll have to be close for it to work."

Joshua hadn't understood a word of what she had said but the latter he could understand. He wrapped his arms around her, slipping them under her laden pack. "Is this close enough?"

She flushed; despite their nocturnal activities, she could still be embarrassed by their closeness. The Courier gave a deep breath; considering she had stormed the Legion at Hoover Dam and faced down their fearsome Legate alone, he was surprised to find her nervous. But she pressed the button and after a strange sensation that he would never be able to describe to anyone, he found the ground upon which he stood, was no longer the ground of Zion.

For a moment Joshua found himself staring at his feet, which but a moment ago had stood on soft, green grass, now rested on hard, cold metal. Then the nausea hit. The Courier pushed herself away from him, retching the contents of her stomach onto the floor. Joshua himself reached out and steadied himself on the nearby rail and probably would have followed suit, had he not caught sight of the view before him and audibly gasped instead.

They stood on a balcony of sorts, overlooking a vast crater. He could see buildings scattered, deserted, silent in the darkness. It had been light when they had left Zion. He looked up at the strange stars and wondered how far exactly they had travelled. Beside him Six regained her composure, her hand resting lightly on his arm, the other holding desperately to rail, steadying herself. "Must have been the distance," she muttered, she looked at him, hesitantly, "are you ready to go in?"

Joshua looked back out over the expanse before him, in the distance he could see shapes moving, and simply marvelled at it all. Then he turned with her and stepped through the door.


	9. Chapter 9

The cheers that erupted as they crossed the threshold caught Joshua off guard. Instantly his .45 was in his hand, ready to combat the noise, but Six was laughing; all was well.

"Oh guys," she smiled, as coloured paper streamed down upon them. Joshua returned the .45 to its holster, and looked around, but could see no one. "Everyone, this is my guest, Joshua," the Courier was saying, "Joshua this is...actually...this could take a moment."

"Would sir and sir's guest care for some refreshment after sir's journey?" the dome in the centre of the room asked.

"Let's introduce you," Six said, cheerfully, taking his arm, and beginning the introductions to her friends.

Some time later, Joshua sat on the bed, only somewhat overwhelmed. He had sat to compose himself; travelling to a place so unlike Zion, or anywhere for that matter, by transporter was something of a shock to his system, and that was before he had argued with a book dispenser about how Scripture was not seditious material. But then Six had asked the light switch, albeit more flirtatiously than he would have liked, until he checked himself for feeling jealous of a light switch, to 'turn on the lights' and now, bathed in a warm red glow, he didn't feel nearly as bad.

From the next room, he heard the Toaster cry out, "all will eat burned toast and despair!" Six was beside it, chuckling. Joshua thought about how he had called her unique before they had left, and now he had seen her flirt with light switches, give a tiny securitron some coffee mugs and then walk away, muttering at how she was enabling him. She had sanitised a sink, pulped a terrible romance novel and was currently talking of bathing the world in fire...with a toaster.

He wondered if his heart had ever been so full.

Her plans for world domination at the hands of household goods completed, the Courier came and found Joshua. Tentatively she called, "hey...if you're ready, Doc would like to take a look at you." She hesitated, gesturing towards his bandages, "would you like some help?"

"No, thank you," he replied, not impatiently and began unwrapping his face. He had accepted her help in Zion, but here, in this strange and unfamiliar place, the act of taking off his bandages seemed to be an anchor, though the thought struck him that if this were successful he would no longer have to bother with the daily, arduous task of covering himself.

The Courier was chatting casually to the Auto-Doc when Joshua joined her.   
"Alright, let's take a look at you," the Auto-Doc said, with a great deal more charm than many real doctors Joshua had met. The door slid open and with only some hesitation, he stepped inside.

It was not until the Auto-Doc started making, 'hm,' noises that Joshua realised how much he was anticipating the treatment. If the Auto-Doc were a person, he would be frowning; Joshua was hardly reassured.

"Shouldn't be too much trouble," the Doc said at length, and Joshua exhaled a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, "the burns're easy enough. But..."

"But?" the Courier asked, guardedly from beyond the door.

"Don't rightly remember how to perform the cosmetic surgery afterwards. Probably an upgrade out there somewhere-"

"I'll get it," Six replied.

"Well then, don't see no reason why we can't get this show on the road," the Doc said, cheerfully.

There was a tentative knock on the door and the Courier asked, quietly, "Joshua...you ready?"

He swallowed, hard. "Yes."


	10. Chapter 10

Joshua wasn't sure how long he stood in the Auto-Doc for. A couple of days at least, but it might have been more. Time lost all meaning. He felt neither hunger or thirst, and though he had been standing in a confined space for a prolonged amount of time and should have been naturally, uncomfortable, he did not feel it. Though for much of it he remained unconscious. The Doc had given a curious, "hm," when he had discovered regular medication did not work on his patient, and so was forced to sedate him instead.

Six came back after a day, maybe longer. He heard the Doc tell her to take a seat, that he'd deal with her next and heard her snarl a response.

"Is she alright?" he asked, his voice sounding far away in the echoing tube.

"Nothing she can't fix up herself," the Doc replied. Then came the sound of whirring - something installing - and then came oblivion.

When he woke, it was in the bed with no recollection of how he got there. His eyes opened and for some time he stared at the ceiling, suddenly awake, as though he had never been asleep. And then it hit him. There was no pain.

In the shock, he bolted upright in the bed. There was no pain.

He stared at his hands, stretching and un-stretching his fingers, his _whole_ fingers. They were stiff, but it no longer hurt. And his skin... for the longest of times he simply stared. It was unmarked, unblemished, though he was sure he had been paler before the canyon.

"Hey there," the Courier called from the doorway, her silhouette illuminated by the glow of the light beyond. "Doc says you need to keep your strength up," she was carrying a bowl of something and a bottle of water. Her eyes never left him. "It won't live up to Zion's standards, but it is fresh...if you consider genetically cloned to be fresh."

Joshua took the bowl gratefully, it was a stew of some kind; the bowl too hot to be held comfortably. Somehow the heat was reassuring, though his skin was already reddening in response to it, screaming for him to put it down.

Six was watching him eat, in fact, her eyes had not left him since she had entered the room, and she was making no effort to hide her stare. After a while, he put the bowl aside, and returned her gaze, "something I can do for you?"

"Oh, sorry," she flushed, "it's just...well..." her cheeks turned an adorable shade of bright red, "you're beautiful." Joshua wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, nobody had ever called him beautiful before. "Do you want to take a look?" she asked, holding her hand out.

He rose, and she led him into the next room where a map of the area took up most of the wall. She positioned him directly in front of it and smiled at him. "Ready?"

He wasn't sure what she was planning, but he took a deep breath regardless. A deep breath that felt kicked from him when she flicked a switch and turned the map into a mirror, reflecting his unblemished visage right back at him and he physically staggered backwards. He'd forgotten what he used to look like, his eyes the only part he'd seen reflected for so long. His skin was pale, paler than he remembered, or was that just because he was used to seeing it red, raw and peeling? He raised his hands to his face and stared at himself, the face that looked back at him was older than he recalled - the doc couldn't cure that - then there was his hair...he had hair. Tentatively, Joshua ran his hand through the thick, black strands that now sat comfortably on his head, a gesture almost foreign to him, but comforting nonetheless.

"Doc said he...stimulated...the follicles?" Six said, absently, watching him, "if you want it cut or something, he can do that too...sorry," she said, blushing again, "you're...you're really something."

As he glanced over to smile at her, he noticed for the first time, reflected in the mirror, gouges in her back that he hadn't noticed before. Joshua crossed the room in two steps and tilted her neck so he could examine the wounds more closely. "These are recent?"

"Yeah, the locals aren't too friendly around here. They got a little annoyed when I made off with the doc's upgrade."

Joshua touched the wound, gently, realising it extended across her back, they must have caught her with an axe, he realised with dawning horror. "I don't understand, why would you risk all this, for me?"

Six laughed, a gentle, lilting sound that lifted his spirits to hear, "really? C'mon Joshua, you're a clever man, you surely can't be this obtuse? You think I came back to Zion for the datura root?"

Joshua stared at her and made a small 'oh' of realisation, suddenly very aware of how close her face was to his, his fingers still gently stroking her broken skin. Tentatively, slowly, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her, for what felt like the first time. At first it was slow, chaste, but as her hands came up to touch his face and tilted her head back, allowing him to explore her lips, they came embarrassingly close to losing control. Before either of them was really aware of it, she was pinned against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. Somewhere in his mind, he registered that he was whole again, and his body was responding to her with as much fervour as it would have before the fire and the pitch. The courier broke the kiss, flinging her head back, baring her neck to him, which he promptly set to work devouring. She let out a soft moan, her fingers tangled in his hair.

And then there was darkness, complete and utter darkness, so abrupt Joshua wondered if he had temporarily gone blind.

"Uh...hey switch...could you turn the lights back on?" Six called, from somewhere in front of him, her legs still crushed around his hips. From the other room, Joshua heard a distinct indignant huff and the courier in his arms started untangling herself, "oh you have got to be kidding me!"


	11. Chapter 11

By the time doc cleared Joshua to return home, he could barely remember a life of bandages. The courier was eager to get underway, "that's if...if you don't mind?" she'd asked, nervously, but Joshua had merely smiled, "happily."

"Good," Six had said, "it'll be nice to go somewhere where the appliances are a little more accommodating!" she snapped over her shoulder.

Leaving was a much simpler affair than arriving. They simply decided they were going and after a short round of goodbyes from the courier, they left. Once again Joshua felt the nauseous pull of the teleporter, but this time when their feet found solid ground, neither of them found themselves any worse for wear. Joshua barely had time to register this when he saw Six look over his shoulder and shout, "oh come on!"

Spinning on his heel, his gun ready, Joshua couldn't help but be amused. "As I recall that is NCR outpost?"

"I don't believe this, this is like a bad joke!" While Joshua remained wryly amused, the courier was genuinely annoyed, "I'm sorry Joshua, it'll take us a little longer to get home." Her attention was on her Pip-Boy, tapping buttons across the map. She glanced up at the darkening sky, "we won't make it to Novac, not in the dark..." Joshua watched her, he'd never seen this side of her before; the decision maker, the hero of the wastes. At Zion, she'd done what he asked her and more, but here she was firm and in control, "our best bet is Nipton, it's just over the way there. It's still unclaimed. We can camp there tonight, tomorrow we'll make for Novac. But right now, Nipton, come on."

He fell into step obediently behind her, noting that she didn't check that he was doing so, but assumed he would follow. Joshua could see exactly how she had survived where so many had failed. The gun he had gifted her on their parting never left her hands, and her eyes were everywhere. She assumed no situation to be safe, assessed every direction an enemy could come at her and checked it repeatedly, not content that it would remain safe. As a result, she saw the bark scorpions before Joshua had even realised they were nearing Nipton, and she had dispatched them, despite the distance, before Joshua had drawn his own .45.

The courier didn't speak until they were safe within the old store after she had swept through it, returning to what was once the lounge with a handful of packets she'd found in the kitchen and a single box of ammo.

"There's a bed...I'm ok to take the watch if you want to rest and if you're hungry well...ancient snack cakes and instamash isn't exactly palatable but it'll keep your strength up."

"Aye sir," Joshua said, intrigued more than anything at this authoritarian courier.

At that, she checked herself and softened, "sorry. Old habits I guess." She placed the gun on the table and joined him at the window. "I'm not expecting trouble, most give this place a wide berth..."

Joshua was staring down at the Legion banners still flapping in the night wind, "this was Vulpes work. I recognise his lottery." Six looked up at him, questioning, "an idea he found in an uninspired old world book, yet it became one of his favoured tactics."

"Oh," Six murmured, "I assumed it was just a thing the Legion did..."

"No, for most of us when we destroyed a town there were no survivors." He held her gaze, though she flinched from this stark reminder of his time as Legate. But that was ok, he thought, it was right she knew. Right she understood the horrors of his past, now that he didn't have the bandages to remind her...or him. They spent a while staring down at the empty crosses, the banners, in silence. Joshua's eyes remained on a tire fire, still burning, and wondered how he would atone without the flames now.

He didn't sleep that night, though the courier insisted he at least try. Instead, he stared wide-eyed at the uninspired ceiling and remembered.

Remembered a young Vulpes Inculta and his lottery.

Remembered how he had no need for such tactics.

Remembered how the mere mention of him was usually enough to have their enemies fleeing.

Remembered how much easier it was to remember when he had the pain to accompany it.


	12. Chapter 12

The courier could not fail to notice the proverbial dark clouds that hung about him after their stay at Nipton. Occasionally it looked as though she might want to say something, but thought better of it and let him be. Besides, there was plenty to occupy them on the road to Novac. Signs of the NCR establishing a firm grip were everywhere, yet Six still pointed out gang territories that had yet to be dealt with. Joshua said little and eventually, the courier stopped trying to make conversation; her only indication that she knew something was wrong was a gentle squeeze of his hand.

The people of Novac were warm towards Six and her guest. He noticed how she introduced him as 'Joshua'; never his full name, which was probably for the best. She had a room there, something which looked like it might have once sufficed as a home; a shabby motel room filled with discarded junk, weapons she'd stopped using when she'd found something better, spare parts of armour and more Nuka Cola than anyone could reasonably drink in their lifetime. The bed was lumpy and uncomfortable, the sofa not much better. But it would suffice.

That was until Six opened the fridge and immediately recoiled, the stench overwhelming, "Oh...damn," she retched. "Pass me that abraxo and check if the trader is still out there. Turns out I don't got anything in."


	13. Chapter 13

In the end, they were saved by an older woman who introduced herself to Graham as 'Alice'.

"Didn't expect you'd have anything fresh, now with how long you've been gone," she said, cheerily, her eyes dancing with amusement at the remains Six had scraped from the fridge. She handed the courier some carrots and brahmin steaks. They looked so fresh she might have just butchered the beast - from the state of her dress that might have been exactly the case. "We thought about inviting you over, but Cliff told us you had company." She beamed at Joshua and leaned in to Six, whispering audibly, "so nice to see you settling down, dear." The courier flushed red, but Alice was already turning, "now you just holler if you need anything." She gave a short wave to Joshua and was gone.

Six called a goodbye after her and hurried to get the steaks in the fridge - the recently emptied and cleaned fridge, muttering about the nice people around. "I could probably barter some potatoes off Cliff if you fancied it. They're not quite Zion fresh, but it's better than that instant crap..."

Joshua was barely listening, staring out the window at the vague coming and goings of Novac. If he'd been successful at Boulder City, Novac would have been the first to fall. These people had no idea that he would have orchestrated their subjugation, at best. The worst didn't bear thinking about. And yet here they were, bringing him steak and offering him hospitality.

"I warn you, I'm a lousy chef, but I've got some rad-x in the safe down there, that'll help for sure, God knows you're gonna have a shock after all that clean Zion food..."

Looking up at Six, Joshua realised just how distant he had been. Had he even said anything to her today? Not one word? Yet she had taken it in her stride. The revelation at the Big M.T came back to him; she loved him? It was with a sigh that he realised that as much as he didn't deserve her kindnesses let alone her love, she didn't deserve the silent treatment.

"...or we could go out? Not much in these parts though. There's an old Repconn place nearby, now that's a story, but they still do tours. Or Boulder City is just up...of course you know that, Jesus. Stop talking Six, just stop talking..."

The courier trailed off as Joshua finally rose and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her from the oven to face him. "Forgive me, I am not good company."

She smiled, "you don't have to be. This must be quite a change. If you want me to leave..." she seemed to hesitate over the offer, but Joshua merely rested his forehead against hers.

"What a fool I would be to ask you to leave."

They stood like that for a moment; foreheads touching, his hands resting on her arms and Joshua realised this was the first time they had been alone, with his skin healed, no danger of raiders jumping them, no stroppy appliances to throw them into darkness...

As though she had had the same thought, the Courier smiled impishly at him. They couldn't say which of them had moved first, but their lips crashed together, almost painfully and the cooking lay quite forgotten.

Joshua lifted her like she was nothing, carrying her over to the bed without relinquishing her lips. For a while he was content to stand there, holding her up, her legs wrapped around him, while she squeezed her thighs against him, a low groan escaping her when she realised his strength. When he lay her on the bed, he did so gently trailing kisses along her collar. Six tried to sit up, to reach out to him, but he pushed her back down, "no," he said, firmly, "I think you've done quite enough for me." She moaned softly and lay back against the covers, letting him kiss her.

In the dim recesses of his mind, he found himself surprised. It had been so very long since he had a need to pleasure a woman, yet his skill had clearly not deserted him. Even more surprising was his restraint, given that it had been so long, and yet even as his mouth closed over a breast, his tongue exploring her through the cloth of her shirt, he found he was in no hurry, enjoying every sound that forced itself from her, even though he had barely started.

Slowly, deliberately, he worked his way down, slipping off the trousers she had donned for wearing around the place, kissing every part of her, all the way down to her feet. Under his relentless tongue, the courier stretched out almost decadently, groaning loudly as he traced his way along the inside of her thighs. The only thing protecting her modesty was a thin slip of fabric that passed as underwear, it occurred to him he hadn't actually seen her naked, despite all that had passed between them. He thought about removing this final barrier but instead pressed his lips against it and kissed her at her most sensitive spot.

The courier was a vocal lover, their nights in Zion when he couldn't touch her had taught him that, but it was increasingly gratifying to hear sounds he had never heard from her before. Soft moans and strangled groans and then, when he finally pushed aside the cotton and slipped a finger inside her, positive screams of pleasure. Joshua couldn't recall having a more responsive woman, as she arched her back and bucked her hips against him, driving him deeper.

If she had said nothing, he would have continued until inevitably he would have replaced his fingers with the more urgent part of his body, straining against his belt. But her breathy, ' _Don't stop - please don't stop_ ,' as she tightened around him, caused him to freeze. For a moment, rather inconveniently, he was elsewhere, forcing himself down as the woman, whoever she was, begged, 'stop, please stop'. The memory was not limited to a single woman, their faces blurred together, images he had not had cause to remember for a long, long time. Not since he burned. And now here he was, the courier splayed out beneath him, begging for his touch, something she would surely not be doing if she knew...

"Joshua?" she called, uncertainly, and he became aware that he had not moved for some time. From the bed, Six pushed herself up on her elbows, "are you ok?"

But the only answer he gave was to leave her there, the sound of the door slamming ringing in her ears long after he had gone.


	14. Chapter 14

Six gave him some time before she went after him. He wasn't difficult to find. Manny pointed her in a direction and the unfortunate vipers strewn across the paths showed her the rest. Joshua was sitting on a ridge, ironically staring over the remains of what had been a makeshift Legion camp. It had been the first place she'd gone with Boone, and the Legion had never returned for it. She slipped down on the sand beside him and wordlessly offered him a bottle of purified water. For a moment she could see the thought of refusal pass behind his eyes, but he'd been too long outdoors without it and she forced it on him regardless.

"Joshua..." she started, quietly, "I'm so so sorry."

Beside her, Joshua jerked as though she had struck him. But before he could ask what on earth she thought she was talking about, she continued, "I've been so selfish. I didn't think...I thought that once we got back to big M.T it'd just be a matter of healing your skin. I didn't stop to consider anything else and I wanted us to get back to Zion...I'm sorry...I just didn't think."

Joshua didn't answer for a time, staring instead at this beautiful creature who had done so much for him yet saw fit to apologise for not doing enough.

"I do not deserve you," he said, bluntly, but not in an endearing way. "You, or any of this. At least while there was pain I could fool myself into thinking there was justice."

"Not being in pain doesn't make you a bad person. You are allowed to be happy...or if you don't think you deserve happiness you at least don't have to suffer."

If her words hit home, he gave no sign of it. For a moment there was silence, silence in which she held her breath.

He spoke heavily, as though every word were a weight upon him, "you have done enough for me. Far more than I deserve. I cannot ask you to return to Zion with me."

The pain that cut across Six's face was obvious before she managed to compose herself and hide it. Instead, she reached out to him, covering his hand with hers and gave an insistent squeeze, "Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee. For whither thou goest, I will go. And where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and thy God, my God. Where thou diest, will I die and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

When Joshua looked at her it was like seeing her for the first time, truly appreciating what lengths she had gone to for him. "You've been reading scripture," he said, eventually.

"Course I have," she smiled, "your God will be my God and all that. Joshua, if you don't want to continue...well...whatever there is between us, then that's your prerogative, I won't push myself on you. But I'm seeing you back to Zion regardless. Now," she rose, "I'd love to say we've got all the time in the world but there's worse than vipers after dark and Manny's scope isn't that long."


	15. Chapter 15

The walk back to Novac seemed shorter than he would have liked. Six paid less attention to her surroundings than she had on the way up here, but she assured them that, Manny had their backs,' gesturing to the dinosaur, looming in the distance.

They walked in silence, but it was not strained. At one point Joshua's hand found hers and she wound her fingers around his, smiling softly when he looked at her. He didn't pull away, instead, he quashed down the feelings of wretched undeservedness that usually struck whenever he felt anything akin to happiness, amplified now that he didn't have the pain to counter it. She walked him to her door, but paused on the threshold.

"You go on," the courier said softly, "if you need me, I'll be down there," she pointed at one of the doors on the lower level.

Joshua looked surprised, concerned for a moment that he was driving her away from her own home. "You are not staying?"

"I don't think so. I think you might need some space. I'm just down there though if you need- ...if you want me."

For a moment she looked like she might kiss him, but thinking better of it she simply said, "good night Joshua." He watched her descend the steps and without pausing or knocking, entering a room on the lower floor, shutting the door behind her.

Joshua opened the door, but the room seemed strange without her in it. He sat on the sofa, for a long time he just sat, marvelling at how he had yearned to be healed, only to suffer far worse than he had when burned. He tried to read Scripture, to lose himself in the familiar words, in the comforting reassurances of his saviour, but he found no peace there. Frustrated he pushed the book aside and paced.

He managed to forget himself in pacing at least; his mind becoming numb with the dull tread of his steps. If it weren't for the rumble of his stomach to remind him that he had taken off before dinner, he probably would have paced until dawn.   
Beside the fridge was a plate of cooked steak and carrots; Six had seen fit to plate up before she had come to find him. He almost smiled, but only managed to feel even more unworthy at this simple gesture. Opening the drawers and cabinets he looked for cutlery; pausing when his eyes fell on a knife that seemed to be positively glowing. As his hand passed over it, he realised the blade was giving off a remarkable amount of heat. The handle was as cold as any other knife though, and he picked it up, turning it over in his hands. Just some days ago he would have marvelled at the strangeness of it but after visiting Big M.T he'd become acclimatised to such things. He brought his fingers dangerously close to the blade, his skin twitching against the radiant heat.

The idea formed before he properly acknowledged it. His hands moved of their own volition, rolling a sleeve up until it was almost over his shoulder. Within moments and without hesitation, the blade was pressed against his forearm. The sound of his skin under the burning blade was grotesque, the pain was blinding, terrible but purifying. The knife was there for barely a second, and when he withdrew it he was transfixed by the scars already forming and found he didn't care. If anything, the pain was a comfort.

Joshua slept better that night than he had since leaving Zion. The same could not be said of the courier, who stumbled over the threshold in the morning light, rubbing her eyes, with a mumbled apology and something about Boone's lack of hot water. She didn't greet Joshua properly, falling straight into the bathroom, the pipes protesting as she demanded heat from them.

Lying in the bed, Joshua's arm burned painfully, yet he smiled. When Six emerged from the shower, flushed from the heat, she found breakfast waiting for her, and Joshua at the stove. She regarded him for a moment, aware of the change in the air. She wondered what had changed, but when he smiled at her, she smiled back and gratefully accepted leftover steak. 


	16. Chapter 16

"There's a little place I know up North, a safe-house, the closest I think we can get to the Northern passage without having to spend a night on the Strip," the courier was muttering, her hand tapping swiftly over the pip-boy screen. She looked up at Joshua, hesitating for a moment, "unless...you wanted to go to the Strip?"

He smiled gently, "I have little desire to see such a place."

"You sure?" she teased, "they have a casino called Gomorrah."

"Oh that would surely settle it," he chuckled, but her eyes remained on him for a while longer, as though he were a puzzle she couldn't quite figure out. Something had happened, of that, she was sure, but she was equally sure it had nothing to do with her. Or perhaps she wasn't giving him enough credit, maybe he had managed to reconcile himself overnight. Perhaps he had spent the night in prayer...but even as she thought it she knew better. Either way, she was drastically overthinking it and Joshua was almost ready to go.

This time when Six locked the door to her Novac home there was an air of finality to it. For a moment she stood beneath the dinosaur, looking around herself, silently saying goodbye, her eyes lingering on the ground floor door she had used the night before. She would not be returning.

It was harder to keep off the roads this time, but nobody paid them all that much attention, save for some good-natured, 'hellos' that passed between them. Shortly after leaving Novac Joshua realised that Six had stopped and was staring at him intently, "are you ok?"

In his haste to reassure her, it did not occur to him until much later that they had been a stone's throw from Boulder City and he hadn't noticed.

They only encountered the one NCR patrol, and they were far, far more interested in the courier than her companion. They slapped her back so jovially and with such fervour, Joshua imagined she would soon be bruised far more than if she'd simply fought them. Six seemed embarrassed by the attention and ducked away as soon as she could. "Sorry about that," she grumbled, but Joshua was smiling, which, if anything, made her more uncomfortable.

"They are simply showing their appreciation," he said, "you should not apologise for such a thing."

The courier flushed again, "we'll have to give McCarran a wide berth then if I want to be able to walk tomorrow," she gave a weak chuckle and they continued on.

The remainder of the journey was uneventful until Courier Six stopped dead and dropped down, pulling Joshua with her as she went, " _shit_!"

Joshua pulled out his gun but couldn't see what had alerted her.

"Cazadors," she whispered, "not as big as those you've got in Zion but...still...they pack a punch. And there's a lot more of them around here." She started looking about herself, McCarran was visible, but she wasn't sure if they could make it before the swarm caught up to them.

Joshua touched her shoulder, gently, "we've faced worse odds."

The courier smiled, for a moment everything was alright, even as she pulled out her gun.

It did not remain so. There were three adults and four smaller ones. Six would have liked to have focused her fire on the larger ones but the young ones were faster and though their poison was less potent, she could hardly shoot straight with them knocking into her. Joshua seemed to be holding his own, he didn't even look up at the loud 'thunk' of an adult driving its stinger into the courier's side. She turned her gun on it, but it was blown away by a sudden shot. She looked around, hurriedly, but saw nothing save for a glint and a flash of red from McCarran. She waved a hand of thanks in their general direction before the poison forced her to her knees. Joshua managed to finish the last of them off without too much trouble, a smattering of cuts notwithstanding. He hoisted Six up by the arm, "this safehouse, where is it?"

She managed to point a direction before the darkness took her.


	17. Chapter 17

When Six came to, she found herself lying on a bed in the follower's safehouse. Joshua was beside her, cleaning his own wounds; a significant amount of anti-venom empty on the nightstand.

"How long was I out?" she asked, groggily, the telltale nausea of cazador poison wracking her stomach.

"An hour. Thankfully we were close to this place. There was nobody here, but I assumed the supplies were available to us."

The courier nodded, "you ok?"

In response Joshua casually flicked a cazador gland from his arm, "you were right, they were not as threatening as those in Zion."

She gave a weak chuckle and was content to lie there, watching him bandage up the smattering of wounds he had sustained, vaguely amused that his flawless skin had lasted all but a few days.

Eventually, she rose and rummaged through one of the cupboards, returning with burn ointment and gauze in her hands. When she spoke her voice was barely a whisper. "You...you should let me treat that burn."

Joshua was silent for a long time. A long time in which they simply stared at each other.

"You knew?"

"I suspected. You've been...well...almost jovial today. Then when that NCR guy tapped your shoulder you jumped a mile, and when you were shooting up the cazadors you favoured-" he waved away the rest, embarrassed that she should have discovered it so easily. "Then I remembered the knife..." she rolled up his sleeve; he didn't protest. "I got it in a place called the Sierra Madre...you won't know it, thank God you never will. It's superheated, I didn't think..." she trailed off at the sight of the burn. Angry, fresh, almost a perfect indentation of the knife. Six started dabbing at it with the ointment, not resuming her train of thought.

Joshua sighed, surprised at himself that he felt as bad as he did to have disappointed-no-upset the courier. The words came with great effort, "it was always bearable. The pain, I mean." She did not look up from her work but from the tilt of her head, he saw she was listening intently. "It was agony, yes, and having to change the bandages every day was as painful as it was tiresome. But it was at least deserved. For as long as I was in pain I could fool myself that I was atoning somehow. That I deserved what was happening, but now..."

Her hands trembled as she applied the gauze. Joshua glanced up fully braced for the tears he expected to find there, but she was laughing.

"I'm sorry," she giggled, "I'm not, I'm not laughing at you, I swear. It's just...I used to travel with this guy and he used to say similar stuff-I've done bad things, I deserve bad things etc. God, I must have a type or something..." she broke off when she saw Joshua's stony stare upon her. "Sorry," she muttered, "but anyway, you can't hurt yourself like this. I can't imagine what's going on in your head Joshua but this," she pulled the gauze tight, "isn't going to help."

The courier moved to the seat opposite him. "I know you must have done terrible things. I saw the Legion, I know what kind of things you must have done. But...but you know, I didn't defeat the Legion by being a saint."

"It's not the same."

"Why? Because the Legion deserved it?" He watched her with confusion, she stared at her hands, unable to meet his gaze, clearly working up to something. "I told you that I'd sent them back with nothing. That wasn't-" she took a deep breath, "that wasn't entirely true. I annihilated them. Even before I came to Zion." She glanced up at the gauze which seemed to encourage her, "there's a place...the Divide. I found nukes, weapons of the old world. Do you know of Dry Wells?" she asked, looking up at him square in the eye. Joshua nodded. "Not anymore you don't." Her eyes dropped to the ground, "of course at the time I thought yes- dealt a blow to the Legion. But to see it. To actually go there. Well...you might have razed some foundations in your time but what I did..."

She fell silent. Joshua considered her for a moment, but when he opened his mouth to reassure her, she cut him off without looking up, "don't. Don't tell me it was the Lord's work, or they had it coming. They weren't just legionaries. They were people who had the misfortune to live in the East. There were families there Joshua...innocent people and I just..." she broke off sharply and met his eye again, "anyway. What I mean is you're not the only one who has done terrible things. If you feel you deserve it then I surely deserve worse." Reaching down, Six deftly slipped out a combat knife from her boot and lay it on the bed beside them. "If you're going to punish yourself, you can punish me too. But before you do you should know I read that book you kept banging on about and I might not get it, but I'm pretty sure it said you can't be washed clean with your own blood."

He wasn't sure what was more surprising - the fervour with which she had spoken or the fact that she really had read his Scripture because he'd said it was important. He could see how she had managed to convince Lanius with words alone to give up a campaign he was probably winning. Gently he pushed the knife back towards her. "I won't be needing that."

The relief in the courier's sigh touched him, and he realised in that moment just how worried for him she had been.

"You know...if you want to go back, Doc does counselling too."

"And miss the opportunity to hear your impassioned pleas? Never."

She wrapped her arms around him, and when the follower's doctor arrived to restock the place, she found them in one bed locked together as dawn graced the Mojave.


	18. Chapter 18

They left soon after morning had set in; finding their way to the Northern passage with comparative ease. The courier paused on the threshold, looking back over the desert; the Lucky 38 looming in the distance. Arcade was there. The King, Mick, Ralph, Swank, all of them really, would have loved to have seen her. She'd said her goodbyes but it felt strange to be this close to them without their knowledge.

"Would you like to go back?" Joshua asked beside her, but she turned on him a smile brighter than the lights of the Strip and shook her head.

The roads to Zion were quieter than when the courier had made the journey up. She was impatient to get back, practically dancing across the ground to reach home. Joshua, by contrast, seemed to be dragging his feet. Evenings usually found him trying to delve into scripture by firelight, but unable to concentrate. One evening, close to Zion, Six watched him from over the fire. Ostensibly she was concerned, but mostly it was an excuse just to admire him. Something she did a lot when she thought he wasn't looking. "I haven't seen you pray," she said, suddenly. "Not since before we went away."

Joshua sighed, "no. How can I go before God after all I've done?"

"Didn't stop you before."

"This again?" he asked, almost with a sigh.

"Yes. And every time until you realise that not being in constant pain means you deserve to suffer."

"If only it were that simple."

"It is," she said, with such conviction he found himself looking up at her, "I know what you're doing. You're substituting the physical pain for spiritual pain...that won't wash with me either. Maybe you can't atone for what you've done, but isn't that the whole point of your God in the first place? Forgiveness and all that. You haven't been the Malpais Legate for a long time, you are not that man anymore, you think your God doesn't see that?"

She pulled the gun he'd gifted her from her pack, "I'm going to secure the area. You are going to sit here, think about it and realise that you're not a monster." She picked up his discarded scripture and gently threw it at him. Joshua watched her go, she really did have a way with words. His eyes fell on the open book beside him.

 _My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most_ gladly therefore _will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong._

When the courier woke the following morning she found Joshua peeling the prickly skin from some pears. Instinctively she reached for one, but he did not offer it. Instead, he held them to her, bowed his head and said a short prayer of thanksgiving. When he opened his eyes Six was beaming at him, taking the pear with a whispered, 'Amen.'


	19. Chapter 19

It was glorious to be back in Zion. There was no doubt in Joshua's mind that this was truly God's land. Just being back was enough to soothe his spirit, as much as it could be, at any rate. From the looks of it, the courier felt the same; seemingly more at peace than she had been in the Mojave. Though Joshua had to acknowledge his own part in that. The latter part of the journey had been pleasant, enjoyable even, since he had allowed her to lift the worst of his burdens from him. But as they came over the ridge and beheld the valley in its splendour, all the pain seemed to fade. Not that he didn't expect to be wrestling with the implications of his time as Legate for the rest of his life, but such worries seemed far away, as the courier threw out her arms, as though to embrace the valley and shouted, cheerily, "Behold! I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land!"

They did not camp at Angel cave, though they did pause their journey, not wanting to arrive at Dead Horse Point well after dark. They made camp beside the river, speaking little, content in their comfortable silence. At one point Joshua looked up to find the courier stretched out on the grass, her eyes closed, a smile on her lips. She felt Joshua's eyes upon her and whispered, "this is bliss."   
He was grilling gecko meat from a beast they had hunted on the way in when he heard the splash. His gun was already in his hand as he leapt up, alarmed. But it was only Six, gliding into the clear waters.   
Joshua watched for a short while, realising that there was no guilt, no pain and no yearning for punishment. There was only contentment.   
He slipped off his boots, took off the padded best and, in a moment of uncharacteristic spontaneity, strode into the water after her.

The water was warm, inviting and sparkled in the sun. Six was right - this was bliss. Joshua pushed himself under the water and surfaced near the courier. "I wanted to thank you," he said, without preamble, "Not many would have done what you have done."

She was smiling, "you mean, not everyone has access to an advanced scientific research station maintained by grateful floating robots?"

"That's not what I meant." The gentle seriousness of his tone gave her pause, "not many would have stayed with me."

"You know why I stay-" but she never managed to finish the sentence, Joshua's lips had covered hers, taking her entirely by surprise and for the moment she was too stunned to respond. But his kiss was relentless and she soon yielded her lips to his, taken aback by this sudden firmness.   
In hindsight, it shouldn't have surprised her that Joshua would be a forceful lover. Not that she would ever mention it to him, lest he lose himself to some more existential dread. Not that she even minded as he slipped what few garments she had worn into the water off, lightly throwing them ashore. He moulded her body against him with such finesse, for a moment she was surprised to remember he could not have had a woman for many, many years.

But all thoughts were lost as he lifted her, easily through the water, wrapping her legs firmly around his waist. Joshua's lips were at her neck; the sensual onslaught relentless, and somewhere in the haze that was her mind she realised that sex had always been a snatched, hurried thing. Something fleeting to be stolen between avoiding raiders and mirelurks.

This...this was something else.

This was something to be savoured, the closest the courier had ever felt to fulfilment.   
She flung her head back, her eyes fluttering closed as Joshua slipped easily, but no less forcefully, inside her. In the water she felt weightless, all attention focused on the growing fire within her, and the glorious pace he was setting, striking hard against that most wonderful spot within her.   
Her climax was gentle, loving and ignited within her with such tenderness she was not surprised to find tears, as it subsided into a warm glow.

The moment passed, but still they clung to each other. The courier's legs still wrapped around Joshua's waist, their arms still locked around the other, the water lapping quietly and gently against them.

"I think under the laws of my tribe we might have to marry after that," Joshua said, a little more breathlessly than he would have liked.

“If you insist." She disentangled herself from him, reaching her hazy limbs into the water. Joshua was staring at her, as though she was something ethereal; something insubstantial.

"What?" she giggled.

"You...you really did come back to Zion...for me."

"Nah, I really, _really_ like datura root." She beamed up at him, pulling herself up against his chest, trailing rivulets across his unblemished skin as she let a finger trace a cheek. "I love you, Joshua. I don't know how I can make that clearer," she kissed him, gently, with all the love she could summon, and then with a smile, she said, "the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."


End file.
